Rules of Engagement
Friday, October 28, 2011 at 10:10AM So, I've thought a lot about the exchange at Pyromaniacs this week. I've had a few private discussions with others about it, and there was much that was instructive, and there was much that was just downright discouraging. I learned quite a bit, actually.
First of all, I think when someone says something that illicits a strong reaction, we need to take a look at the speaker and how he is characterized. While Phil Johnson is not afraid of confrontation and doesn't mince words, he is not characterized by being a nasty man. Some may disagree, but I know that he's not a nasty man. Anyone who is married to Darlene Johnson can't be a bad man. Phil has shown himself over the years to be a very supportive individual toward female bloggers. Just check out the sidebar at Pyromaniacs.
Second, when commenting at a big blog like Team Pyro, we need to remember that for every one person who does comment, there are many more who don't. If we're going to comment, let's consider how many people will be privy to our foolishness should we behave in a less than flattering way. If we're going to comment, let's think before we post and present ourselves as credible. Yes, this excludes ranting and one-liner shoot-er-down comments. The object isn't to put someone in their place; it's to have a dialogue. I don't care if you're a man or a woman; think it though. While women can be shrill, men can be boors.
Third, when commenting, be prepared for someone to respond. If you're afraid of the confrontation, don't comment.
Fourth, ask yourself if you'd speak to that person face to face in the same way. When addressing someone else's point, remember THERE IS A REAL LIVE PERSON behind that screen. Pretend, he/she is there. Women, ask yourself if you'd want someone talking to your husband in the way you have just spoken to a gentlemen in the thread. Men, ask yourself if you'd like another man speaking to your wife in the way you just shot down a lady in the comment thread. Sorry, but there are just some men who don't know how to dialogue without being a bully, and there are women who can't avoid sounding like a harpy.
Fifth, let's not take ourselves so seriously. Face it: there are hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of voices on the internet. What makes us think ours should be the one to be heard? Are we commenting for applause, validation, or just because we want to participate? If we can't take the heat, we best not get into the kitchen. And if you do tend to gain an audience where many people heed your words, take that with humility and don't use it like a 2x4. Yes, there are times when folks don't play fair, and the bullies come out to play. That's when I'm outta there. I don't play with bullies, and if the bullies, female and male alike, want to pound their chests in victory, let them have it. Ultimately, who cares? Being wrong isn't the worst thing that happen to anyone. If we think we're right, and we continually press the point long after we've had our say, how about an attitude check?
The world could get along without blogs. Truly. I know we think that we'd all wither and die if the internet ceased, but we would survive. Having a blog does not give us the right or the credibility to demand to be heard. We can talk all we want, certainly, but that is not a guarantee anyone will listen. It's kind of ironic, because often, the one whom everyone listens to is the one who speaks the least. Brevity is good.
I don't see anything wrong with housewives blogging. Some people do. Some people say that houswives have "better" things to do. I submit to you that we all have "better" things to be doing, including the businessman who is taking time from his employer by blogging during work hours, or depriving his wife or children of time because he's blogging. We ALL waste time. Let's at least be honest about it.
I like blogging very much, and I try hard not to think I'm more important than I am. I also like reading the blogs of others. In the grand scheme of things, some of the debates end up being nothing more than a battle of wills to see who can put up with the discouragement the longest. Surely the test of how important that exchange was can be measured in how many people have likely forgotten all about it.
Reader Comments (6)
Love it! I'm going to resist going back to Pyros and reading all the comments I obviously missed having just read the first few. LOL. I need to take myself less seriously. Good reminder. Usually my kids are the ones to remind me of that. :-p
Well said, Kim.
My blog list has been cut to just a few friends so I missed the kerfuffle--whatever it was. I've been cutting back my time online more and more and I must say I've gained more serenity, more time to read books, and better concentration. I don't miss the online dust-ups. I do miss interacting with my online friends, though, so I popped in to comment. As you can see, I don't have anything really cogent to say on the topic. ; )
**waves**
Well said, Kim. And this should be always in front of us: "Being wrong isn't the worst thing that happen to anyone". I want, and I say it again, to be on the "semper reformanda" side. I don't have it all right; there is so much I still need to learn, and change.
Something tells me we are somewhat on the same page, right? :)
Happy Saturday!
I completely missed the excitement over there so I have no idea what it was all about, but your advice is very good, all the same. I think I'm glad I'm keeping myself so busy I avoid things like this.
Oh my. I went and read the comments after reading your post and now I'm even more glad than before that I am removed completely from this kind of controversy online (or offline, for that matter). Your advice is even more sound to me, after reading those comments. I have more to say but, it's probably best left unsaid, lol. :)