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« Book Reflection - Getting to Know the Church Fathers | Main | A little George Herbert »

Girl solidarity

Dear Teenage Girl:

I was once you a long time ago.  I was without God in my life, lonely, and wondering what the purpose of life was. I didn't feel I could talk to my parents. I wanted validation, approval, love.  I wasn't promiscuous, but I definitely knew how to get a boy's attention, and I had my share of boyfriends.

I made them the centre of my world.  I analyzed every word they said to me.  I feared every moment apart.  I wavered between feeling like I was on top of the world and in the pit of despair.  I resented the time spent away from me.  I jealously begrudged him every word spoken with another girl.  I expected him to behave like a grown man, even though he was a boy.  In short, I idolized him.

And then I wondered why he got tired of me after three months.  And the cycle would repeat itself.

Teenage girl, I see you in the venues of social media, and I recognize myself so clearly in your words that it is downright spooky.  I feel your sorrow as I remember those days, but at the same time, I cringe, because you don't see what you are doing.  You don't know that when he reads those things, he does one (or both) of two things.  First, he wishes you would stop it and grow up; second, he feels like he's letting you down.  He is a young man who is growing.  He doesn't know how to be a grown man yet.  He doesn't know how to be your father, if that is what you perhaps feel is missing in your life.  Chances are, he's looking to you for validation, too; he just isn't as obvious about it.

Teenage girl, there is a world out there beyond the boys you long to be with.  There is a holy God who loves you.  He's your creator and He made you for Himself.  He is worthy to be worshipped.  He won't let you down the way that young man will.  And don't be fooled into thinking that marriage will keep him from letting you down.  He will.  It's how men and women are, pure and simple.  But God will not.  He loves you and want you for Himself.   

Teenage girl, I'm almost 48 years old, and I still struggle to be loyal to my God.  I still struggle with putting my husband on a pedestal and putting high expectations on him.  But I have another voice inside of me, courtesy of the Saviour who bought me with His blood:  it's a voice that says, "You're mine, and I am the only one worthy of your worship."  You need that voice.

You are so familiar to me, I feel like we could be twins.  I know what I'm talking about.  Christian girl?  If you're doing this -- and I can see that you are -- repent now.  You have the truth.  You don't need to put yourself through that cycle.  And please, don't use social media for those kinds of words.  You will get to be 47 years old and full of regret.

I believe in God's sovereign will for my life.  I believe that those moments I had that I see so clearly in you right now were so that today, I could talk to you.  They were painful lessons, but I am so glad that I had them, because they drove me to Christ.  Please seek Christ, and allow those young men a little relief.

God loves you more than that young man ever can.  I will pray for you.

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Reader Comments (3)

Very wise words, Kim. I was that teenage girl too. And I am still prone to putting my husband on the pedestal and expecting him to be everything to me.
This makes me think of the hymn In Christ Alone:

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

All of us girls, young and old, need to remember that our boyfriends/spouses aren't our Savior, and that He alone is worthy of our praise.

Thank you for this sharing this

January 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Amen. If only we could go back and tell our teenage selves!

January 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAimee Byrd

We can't tell our teenage selves, but we can definitely encourage the teenagers in our midst!

January 21, 2013 | Registered CommenterKim

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