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« Thankful Thursday | Main | You would not have liked me »
Thursday
Feb052015

A book or a girlfriend?

A number of years ago, I recommended a book to someone. It was by J.I. Packer. I really loved it, so felt free to recommend it. The person to whom I recommended it did not like it. When I asked why, the response was that it wasn't "friendly" enough. When I asked for clarification, she answered, "I want to read a book by someone who if I met in real life we'd be friends." I was a little surprised at that response, but I have often seen that she is not the only one who shares that sentiment. And many of the books for women by women seem to want to offer that.

I recently picked up a book (which shall remain nameless) directed to women. I got about three chapters into and became bored. There is nothing wrong with the content, really. I just don't like the folksy presentation. The writer writes as if she's having a conversation with a friend. I kept waiting for an "Isn't that right, girlfriend?" to pop up in the text. 

Now, if you like that kind of book, that is just fine. I don't. I like well-written books and I like books whose writers are eloquent, but I don't really care for books where the writer acts as if she knows me and we're friends. I don't expect to be friends with the author, and if we never meet or are never friends, I'm okay with that. Many of my favourite writers are dead, so I have no expectation of meeting them. And if I saw one of my favourite living authors in an airport somewhere, I would not run over and introduce myself. I don't do that kind of thing. In some cases, I am indeed friends with someone who wrote a book, and that's a real blessing. But I knew her before she was an author, and would have been her friend even if she hadn't written a great book.

This leaves me to wonder if one of the reasons why Christian women buy so many books (good or bad alike) is because they're looking for friendship in a book. Are we actually looking more for a personal connection as opposed to understanding? Are we too busy to foster friendships, or reluctant to ask our pastor, a friend, or our husbands for counsel? So we turn to a book?

The past month I have struggled with sleep and a few other health issues. I've done my share of online searches to get counsel. Yesterday, because of the lack of sleep, I felt drained and discouraged. I could feel anxiety pressing in on me. I finally told myself after lunch to get off the internet. Instead, I sought the counsel of a real, live, in the flesh friend. And she, in love, gave me the best counsel I could ever want. 

I know this woman. I've worked with her, served with her, prayed with her, laughed with her, and wept with her. While getting counsel from books is great, I sometimes wonder if we aren't looking for too much in their pages. How many personal struggles could we keep to ourselves, never talking to anyone about them because we can just read books about them? How often do these books we read to get counsel from prevent us from searching the Scriptures ourselves? Or pray about the matter?  I wish some enterprising sociologist would write a book about the reading habits of Christian women. I'd read it.

I like books. I like good books. But I'm not concerned about getting a buddy out of every reading experience. A book can be a good friend, but there's nothing like a living friend.

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Reader Comments (3)

Yes - I read to learn, not to develop a friendship. Perhaps that's why so many women's books are "fluffy". I like the meat.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDebi Martin

Another excellent and well-written post. I especially liked the comment that "many of my favorite writers are dead, so I have no expectations of meeting them." Most of my favorite writers are dead as well. I also suspect the reasons you stated are similar to the reasons why women would rather read a book, post comments on FB, etc than attend a local church and become involved with a local church. Thanks for the post. I've bought several books you have recommended over the years. I'm still slowly working my way through M. L. Jones "Life in Christ." Its slower than usual as I find myself wanting to think about what I've just read for a while before continuing. Thanks for the good recommendation.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

"A book can be a good friend, but there's nothing like a living friend." Amen! The body of Christ in action trumps intellectual assent every time!

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDiana Lovegrove

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