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Learning to dream

I wish I was a fearless woman. I am not. I am determined, but I am not fearless. In fact, fear is my worst enemy. It has stopped me from doing what I wanted to do, or what I felt I should do, time and time again. It was often fear of not fitting in that drove many of my decisions raising my children. It was fear of failure that kept me from doing a lot of things I wanted to do. It was fear that kept me from dreaming about doing things.

On Friday, I had to drive to the school campus to return some library books. The weather had been such that I didn't feel like making the hour long drive in. But on Friday, after submitting my apologetics paper, I took the day to run errands, and I went to the campus. While on my way out, I met my advisor, who was making his way into the building. He was on sabbatical last year, and this is the first time I had spoken to him in a while. We chatted a little bit, and he asked if I had an idea of how much longer I have until I am finished. I told him I didn't know what I'd do when I did graduate, and he said, "Well, then you get your PhD."

This is not the first time that one of the profs has said something like this. When I first began thinking of transitioning from an MTS to the MDiv, I spoke to another of the profs, and he was sharing with me the benefits of both degrees. He reminded me, "Now, if you want to do a PhD, you should get an MDiv." 

Both of these gentlemen know me as a student, so they know what I am able to do. They also know that I love to study, so their mentioning a doctoral degree is not entirely surprising. But it is still an encouragement to me. In some cases, the response to pondering of post-graduate life could be this: "Well, you can start a women's ministry group or a bible study for young mothers." 

Now, I have done both of those things already, and I would consider doing them again, but in the last year or so, my restlessness in study has made my thoughts go in other directions. In short, I have most definitely been looking at PhD programs. My options are limited by the fact of geography and the fact that I don't speak German or French, something which is helpful for a research degree.

Over the weekend, I looked at a number of different graduate programs, and thought about what it is that draws my attention. I ended up looking at research programs and counselling programs both. I had a chat with my daughter and son, who both know graduate studies and programs well, and was directed to the possibility of a graduate degree in sociology and counselling. 

I have no idea what awaits me. But it's nice to know that along with Greek and Hermeneutics, seminary is teaching me to dream.

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Reader Comments (2)

Keep dreaming, Kim. <3

February 20, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterPersis

Thanks, Persis <3

February 20, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterKim Shay

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