When I was a teenage girl, I was boy crazy. This interfered with my education. A couple of years ago, I was looking at pictures at my parents' house and found my old report cards. The difference between my 7th grade report cards and what I achieved in high school was quite striking. While I always loved reading, I'm afraid I was more worried about boys than anything else. I was relieved to get out of high school, where one can actually worry less about such things.
The Temptation to Hover
When my daughter became a teenager, I was concerned she would repeat my mistakes. My concern led to hovering, and that probably interfered with her deveveloping male friendships. Note I said friendships, not romances. I think it is healthy for boys and girls to be friends. Looking back, I think I was (like many other women) worried about every boy who came along becoming a distraction.
We do worry about our daughters' purity. Please do not misunderstand me and believe I am saying we don't have to worry about such things. Teaching our daughters biblical attitudes towards young men and other girls is a crucial part of their development. But it isn't the only thing teenage girls need to learn.
There are other distractions that are just as serious, and in a day and age when more young women than ever are pursuing advanced education, it is something worth thinking about. While a boy can be a distraction that leads a girl down a path that is far from the Lord, so can academic achievements. Having a 4.0 grade average can be a wonderful thing, but it can build an attitude of self-reliance. If a young girl succeeds in school, it will definitely help her in life, but it can also make her rely on herself and not God just as easily as that cute boy she's been mooning over.
Pride in Accomplishments?
I am not discouraging study or education. My husband and I both have university degrees, and our children are all in school. My daughter is in year eight (yes, eight) of school, preparing for approval for her doctoral dissertation. She's an excellent student. But I wouldn't want her to find her identity in those achievements rather than Christ. I wouldn't want her to place her hope in her academic ability rather than Christ. I think sometimes because education is good, and it equips our daughters to live as adults, we don't think it can be a problem. It can. While we are worrying over her dating in high school, we should also watch carefully her attitude toward her own accomplishments. Does she recognize God as the giver of her academic success and thank him for it? Is there the hint of pride in those accomplishments?
Teach Her to Serve
One way I think we can teach our girls to balance their time is to find ways to serve. Instead of every extra-curricular activity being about them, how about finding time to work with the kids at church, or volunteer with people less fortunate? Or how about serving a grandparent, an older neighbour? How about finding time to use that great intellect to tutor someone? That intellect ought to be used to further the Kingdom of God, not just a girl's portfolio.
The Beginning of Wisdom
I do agree with the many who are concerned about dating issues with their daughters. Having raised three kids to adulthood, and going through our own experiences with the issue, we were very attentive to that. But I can tell you that sometimes, we worry too much. Anything can trip our children up; or us, for that matter. Anything can lead to sin. Don't forget to watch for other things. It may be that the thing that tempts your child doesn't wear saggy jeans and and a sideways baseball cap. It might be the lure of a grade point average.
Proverbs 9:10 reminds us: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." Our daughters need to understand the difference between knowledge and wisdom. All of their academic knowledge may teach some wisdom, but only God will teach them the wisdom they need to live a godly life.
For a related post, check out Melissa's piece at Out of the Ordinary on a similar theme.