When my daughter was 16, she had a group of friends over. While they were there, I happened to stop in my daughter's room to ask her for one of he CD's. That was in the olden days when people actually used CD's.
One of my daughter's friends thought it was "cool" to have a mother who liked similar music. I don't even remember what the CD was. But at the time, in my vanity, it was a little fun to be considered cool. My husband and I were working in the youth group at that time, and some of our kids' friends did think we were cool. We were the parents who would take car loads of kids to see concerts, who welcomed them in our home whenever they wanted, so that worked in our favour, I guess.
It's tempting, when our kids are teenagers, to want to be considered cool. After a while, we may even adopt their unique lingo. When our kids were teens, the word "woot" was particularly enjoyable to use, and yes, I used it. I probably thought it made me sound even more cool, but actually, I suspect they were all rolling their eyes. We have to be careful that when our kids are teens, we don't use that time to re-live our own teen years, this time with the benefit of some years of wisdom. We are not teenagers, and grown people who act like them look foolish. I know I looked foolish at times, and I'm trusting in the mercy of those who witnessed it.
Recently, while at a meal with my boys, I used the word "stoked." That was a bad move on my part. I don't even know why I used it, except for that I see it used a lot, and by people who aren't teenagers. I see it used by grown up people with children, so I figured, why not? Well, my 22 year old son looked at me and said, "Did you just say 'stoked'?" I was immediately self-conscious, and I turned to my other son and asked him if that was allowed, and he said "I wasn't going to say anything, but it did sound kidnda weird."
Even as young adults, our kids seem to sense that there is a difference between themselves and their parents.
Of all the hundreds of mistakes I made while parenting teens, the biggest mistake I made was worrying too much about being cool. It wasn't my job to be cool. It was my job to be the parent. And if it meant being unpopular, then so be it. It wasn't my job to emulate their dress or speech in order to show some kind of understanding or solidarity with them. Yes, I had been a teenager once, but to them it was in the Dark Ages.
It was my responsibility to follow Ephesians 6:4, which addresses fathers, but includes mothers:
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Recently, as I was teaching what Proverbs had to say about wise parenting, we discussed the possibe ways we could provoke our kids. The contrast to provoking, introduced with the word "but," is bringing them up. The biggest way we can provoke our children is to not do our job. Sometimes, trying to be too cool means we may miss being the parent. The problem with trying to be too cool or too much of a buddy is that when we inevitably have to start being the parent and put our foot down, our child may think, "Why are you being such a drag?"
Of course, we don't have to be combative or harsh with our children, but there does come a time when we have to be really firm, and that may generate resistance or conflict. Worrying about being too "cool" might make us a little unwilling to do the real job of parenting; you know, the discipline and instruction thing. Looking back, I wish I had shown a better balance.
Now, being a grandparent? I think that wll be the "cool" time, because all of the hard stuff will be left to the parents, and I'll get the fun. Lord, willing, anyway.