Here I sit on a sunny Sunday afternoon in early winter. Looking outside, you'd never know it was January. The mid-afternoon sun is climbing over the house and splashing on the fence in the back yard. My desk, which sits where a dining room should actually be, faces into the yard. I have a fire going; the Beagle is lying down in front of the fire which probably needs a log soon. It's quiet.
Quiet is something I have become accustomed to in these past few years as my children have begun spreading their wings and setting out on the course of life. The last one, my 17 year old, sits in the family room plugged into some kind of device, I'm not sure which. Perhaps it is his cell phone, or online gaming. The older two kids have recently returned to school after the Christmas break. This time next year, the 17 year old will also have gone back with them, and the house will really be empty. I am conscious of these changes taking place.
Tomorrow, he will go away at 8:30 in the morning and return shortly after 3:00. I am conscious that this time next year, that hour of 3:00 will no longer be a marker in my life. I will have become what they call an “empty nester.”
They write books about parenting, about teenagers, about teenage rebellion, about the need for nursing our babies, feeding our husbands, submitting to the authorities, and travelling on the journey. But where are the books for women who are about to become those empty nesters? Perhaps the women who are becoming empty nesters are all gone back to their careers. I have no such career to return to because I made my children my “career” if you will. For better or worse, that was the decision I made. Oh, I finished my education and put it to good use in homeschooling them, but I will not return to the hospital, the board room, the court room, or the office when my nest is empty. What will I do? The problem is not that I have no idea; the problem is that I have too many ideas. The problem is that having something to do does not change the fact that I am a mother and that motherhood is changing. Being busy is good, but it isn't always the answer. There are deeper questions involved other than “what will I do?”
Where are all the women who have gone through this? Where are their wise words? And I don't mean about how to turn that baking skill they had into a small business that earns their retirement fund. I am talking about making the transition into a mother of adult children. I'm not looking to find something to “replace” my children. It's about learning to step back while still parenting. It's about the role that I have now before God; the role now that motherhood is changing. One role remains the same and that is my role as a wife. It is daunting to navigate these things especially when we live in a society that considers someone a useless individual unless he/she earns a living. Even in Christian circles, there is a certain amount of condescension toward women who stay at home when they don't have small children. If you stay home because you're wiping noses and changing diapers, it's tolerable, but after that, you'd better get some kind of gainful employment, even if it is a greeter at Wal-Mart.
As I look ahead to this year of 2012 when I will have my 25th wedding anniversary and become an empty nester, I approach life with equal amounts of anticipation and trepidation. I know God is sovereign, and I know that He is in control, but unknown is always a bit unnerving.
These are some of the thoughts that occupy my thinking as I contemplate the other side of 3:00 p.m.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 12:29PM