I will confess that at one time, I imagined grand scenarios revolving around my writing. How many bloggers secretly harbour visions of becoming "known?" We all have pride within ourselves, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who didn't watch other bloggers become published, and think, "Hey, that could be me!"
I am so glad that never happened to me. God really does know what is good for us.
Every time I sit through a seminary class, I leave thinking how much there is to learn. I sat in an eight hour class with Dr. Haykin last Saturday, and left thinking "I need to read more about Augustine." The thrill of learning makes me realize how much more there is, and that's exciting.
Today, after my theology class, on my hour long drive home, my thoughts ran around what we had discussed in class. As I ate my lunch, and then threw together a quick batch of muffins, my mind continued to clank and clunk with the meaty content from the morning. Every class is like that. I left thinking today how thankful I am that I'm going to have this prof all year: there is a second half to this class next semester. I love being taught by someone knowledgeable, wise, and humble. Let's hear it for the hoary headed. Dr. Fowler celebrates his 70th birthday this year, and he has the wisdom and experience of an older man, but the passion for theology of a younger man.
Had I ever seen my silly little blog take me to places other than its modest circumstances, I would be missing out on all of this learning. And really, deep down, being known had less to do with the notion of speaking truth and more about being acknowledged. And, ultimately, that's not a motive that helps foster learning.
I am thankful that God in his wisdom timed everything the way he did. I'm not a young woman with the hope of having a career. I'm an older woman who just wants to learn. I can look back at my time as a stay-at-home mother and be thankful I was able to devote that kind of time to my kids, including homeschooling them. And now, I can enjoy what God is giving me right now. How thankful I am for these opportunities!
No one of any repute knows who I am. There is great freedom in that. No one is hanging on to every word I say or expecting me to speak about the issue du jour. What is even more exciting is that I get to study in greater detail many of those issues and come to my own conclusions without any pressure.
It's Thankful Thursday, and I am so thankful for how God kept me from some things so that he could lead me to others.